Being a parent

Written on: 21st January '09
Edited on: 1st April ‘09

"An angel in my home stays,
A spirit of good in him,
A smile full of power he has,
A power which help me swim."

–Dipti

My life was so different when I was not a mom, the same world has altered after being one; a walk through the market was just about me before and now it’s all about him. The entire course of my life has changed and now it is revolving around my son, Shivansh.

Blessed are those who have healthy children but sometimes you really can’t enjoy much of this blessing because you are so taken by the drastic changes that comes along with the sweet blessing.

Small children are tough to handle and doing every bit of their work is a tiring job, and that too doing it day and night with just a little help and a little rest with practically no time for yourself. It’s baffling. There are times when you are already exhausted and they want you to do something, maybe the same thing or maybe they are again calling you for those silly rescue missions and you want to shout your lungs out because you can take it no more; but still there is something that makes you answer their calls, time and time again.

Shiva, that's what I call my son, has very simple demands but those demands are so many that the whole day I am giving him one thing after another till almost my complete kitchen is on his table, which is annoying. He knows not about safety; plugging things in the sockets, crying for knife, playing with the strings of curtains, chewing stuff, walking on the edge of table, climbing on boxes...…..STOP Shiva, NO Shiva, LEAVE IT Shiva, SPIT IT Shiva, BE CAREFUL Shiva, GET DOWN Shiva.

Tired, yes you are but what is it that makes you work effortlessly for them and love them endlessly?
Maybe it is the innocence and the good spirit in the child. A child’s face is always full of love no matter what they are doing; smiling, laughing, crying, playing or sleeping you will always find a Godly touch on the face. No matter how tired and angry you are their face will always melt your heart. The only realization that the little child has no one but you alone, gives you enough strength to keep standing for them anytime and every time. A child knows how to make things work either by crying or smiling, that’s the way God taught them to workout their ways.

Sweet is the fruit of labor, so are you paid for your hard work. When their say is duly respected just look at the blooming face, yes that’s how they pay for your services and believe me it’s worth it.

After reading all this one will think that I am a mother who can be given 4 out of 5 but no mostly I deserve 2 out of 5. I work like that sawtooth wave which starts from -1 immediately goes to +1 and then starts declining constantly till it reaches -1 again, and this cycle goes on. I want to stay at +1 but it’s hard, no matter how hard I try I always slip and when I am at my lowest , I feel guilty for not giving Shiva enough attention and love, so instantly I jump to my maximum value of +1.
I shout at him and at times I give him a good thrashing but then I’ll love him to compensate but all this is making him into a more naughty kid because he is so used to my yelling and beating that he is no more afraid of it. I so much want to change but I fail again and again.